This Week in Crushing Inadequacy
Today in the mail I received the latest issue of my alma mater’s alumni magazine Why Aren’t YOU Doing More With Your Life. No, of course this isn’t the real title of the magazine. That’s way too long to fit on the front cover. It would obscure the picture of a high-powered alumni making the international tsk tsk motion with his fingers at me. The real name of the magazine is You Fucking Loser. It’s a quarterly publication.
There really is nothing quite like receiving the alumni magazine four times a year to remind you how much your life fails to measure up to your peers. Sure. I’m feeling alright about myself. I can do my own laundry. I can make my own meals. I actually own a piece of furniture that isn’t used. I can go to movies by myself, and can stay out just as late as I want – about 9:30 usually. As impressive as all of these achievements seem in a vacuum, they really don’t hold up when compared to the glossy photo-ed smiling exploits of my former classmates. While I was busy visiting eight bars in one night, my former roommate was graduating from grad school and becoming a professor. While I am quite happy to be avoiding several parking tickets some kid who graduated a year after me is clerking for the Supreme Court. Yeah, THAT supreme court. The U.S. Supreme Court. Meanwhile, I finally figured out what makes a burrito supreme different from a regular burrito – it’s the sour cream.
I guess, it’s nice to be put down a peg or two occasionally. Don’t want to get too cocky. I’m sure there are a lot of former classmates who aren’t doing so well. Maybe some are completely unemployed, or alcoholics. Maybe some are in prison. Why don’t they tell me about them? That would make me feel great. Who doesn’t want to find out that kid they hated in humanities is walking door to door telling all his neighbors he’s a registered sex offender? That would make my day.
I guess Grove City College would rather give you something to aspire towards, not something to fill you with the false sense of accomplishment. Talk about your screwed up priorities.
Shalom
There really is nothing quite like receiving the alumni magazine four times a year to remind you how much your life fails to measure up to your peers. Sure. I’m feeling alright about myself. I can do my own laundry. I can make my own meals. I actually own a piece of furniture that isn’t used. I can go to movies by myself, and can stay out just as late as I want – about 9:30 usually. As impressive as all of these achievements seem in a vacuum, they really don’t hold up when compared to the glossy photo-ed smiling exploits of my former classmates. While I was busy visiting eight bars in one night, my former roommate was graduating from grad school and becoming a professor. While I am quite happy to be avoiding several parking tickets some kid who graduated a year after me is clerking for the Supreme Court. Yeah, THAT supreme court. The U.S. Supreme Court. Meanwhile, I finally figured out what makes a burrito supreme different from a regular burrito – it’s the sour cream.
I guess, it’s nice to be put down a peg or two occasionally. Don’t want to get too cocky. I’m sure there are a lot of former classmates who aren’t doing so well. Maybe some are completely unemployed, or alcoholics. Maybe some are in prison. Why don’t they tell me about them? That would make me feel great. Who doesn’t want to find out that kid they hated in humanities is walking door to door telling all his neighbors he’s a registered sex offender? That would make my day.
I guess Grove City College would rather give you something to aspire towards, not something to fill you with the false sense of accomplishment. Talk about your screwed up priorities.
Shalom
posted by James | 6:27 PM
|
0 comments
